Tributes to people whose love I've witnessed. Kept here so I have a record of who I am to my friends and how I tried to honor what I saw.
Krey & Kristen
Mom said something pretty striking to me on our drive home from Chicago.
She explained that she loved Kristin, but after seeing how Kristen dotes on Kyle that it's just so obvious you two were meant to be.
I sat stunned for a few seconds. Partially because I sometimes forget my Mom is also a social being capable of social insight. Partially because it gave form to an idea I've sought to convey several times to you, Kyle: You deserve more.
You've been taken for granted since the very beginnings of our friend group's formation. Your kindness mistaken as weakness, your willingness to help abused.
This isn't to say you're without fault; you did piss in a closet after all.
Imperfection is beautiful, though, right?
You two are beautiful. You're the right complements of each other. Right in the most whole sense of the concept — you did the right thing.
I'll miss your voice, Love. And I look forward to when it can again soothe one of my best friends.
Nick & Nat
Some people overlook that inherent to the idea of an ascent is the climb. Further still, some forget all rises must begin somewhere lower, some start point that nostalgia romanticizes.
Bring beauty to your scars.
Proud of you two
💙
Brock & Lindsey
It's always a funny thing when someone says, "thanks for putting this together." Funny in that they're thanking me for simply giving form to something that already existed.
Such is the difference between a Scalar and a Vector. The former has only magnitude — think speed or mass, which denotes the size of something but doesn't explain what that something is doing. Scalar moves into a vector when magnitude gains direction.
Everyone there today Loves you. Unfortunately, we've been conditioned to believe loving is enough, but we forget that love requires action and direction and purpose to mean anything. Magnitude without direction is like talent without follow-through.
You two amaze me for how you live as vectors: you've made your pain purposeful and given direction to anger instead of letting it fester. Any emotion without some form of propulsion ultimately expires. That's not to say bias toward action immediately upon feeling. No. You've both learned that it's only while we sit in magnitude that we come to understand toward where we should direct it.
Keep directing your Love toward a brighter next day. As you do, I can't wait to witness what awaits.
With Adornment,
TD
Kristen (note)
Judgment catches my curiosity. I try to avoid irony by not judging judgment, though, that's fucking hard because I'm a petty, imperfect human.
Judgment moves beyond noticing: "Look at those shoes." This is an act of observation with no value/opinion added. Inserting a value judgment transforms observations into judgments.
Now created, the direction and burden of the judgment concerns me. These two concepts (direction + burden) bundle together: the judger judges the judged, regardless of the presence or absence of solicitation. Once leveled, the burden, more often than not, falls on the judged to explain themselves.
This one-way street feels fucked up to me, right?
Why can't we reject the premise? What does the judgment say about the judger? Does the difference their judging threaten them to the point it compels them to move beyond noticing into judging? If that's what's occurring, what does that say about the robustness of their belief in their model of the world?
I think we often assume judgment signals disapproval. When, in fact, judgment may be a defense mechanism. We judge in order to disincentivize behavior that threatens us because our courage deficit prevents us from acting accordingly.
Kristen's emotionally aware enough to understand the point of the preamble.
Judgment signals you're doing something right.
Very proud of your love.
💙